


Gave Me The Blues And Then Purple Pink Skies

by lifeisjuicy92



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, Sad but with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25616653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeisjuicy92/pseuds/lifeisjuicy92
Summary: A look back on Thomas's time at Downton Abbey, and how his life changes for the better.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	Gave Me The Blues And Then Purple Pink Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This might be a bit depressive to read, but it does have a happy ending, I promise!
> 
> Fic title from Taylor Swift's "Invisible String".

**1912**

He was standing in the dark hall, trying to swallow down the bitterness and hurt, and blinking away the tears that threatened to run down his cheeks. Philip's words stung. _One swallow doesn't make a summer_. He had poured out his feelings for this man down into his letters, and Philip had done the same, but now the letters were burned to ashes. He really had thought Philip meant what he had written, what they had last summer was real love. 

He stood tall and his facial expression was blank, as he watched Philip leave the following morning, but his insides were burning with anger and sadness. His hope of a better future had just gone up in smoke (literally), leaving him behind in a household that rather would have seen him gone from the place too. 

**1917**

He had fewer nightmares now, now that he knew he was far away from the trenches, and wasn't going to be sent back. But he still woke up suddenly every now and then, covered in sweat, heart pounding in his chest, echoes of men screaming and crying in his ears. 

He spent as much time as he could by Lieutenant Courtnay's side, reading aloud the letters the Lieutenant got that he no longer could read by himself, changing his bandages, or just sitting down to have a chat. He knew he shouldn't, he knew it was probably fruitless, but he couldn't help but feel drawn to the man. He was friendly, he didn't shoo his hand away when Thomas helped him navigate the corridors of the hospital like Thomas half-expected him to, and he always seemed to appreciate their talks. He was beginning to think that maybe, _maybe_ , the Lieutenant felt something for him too.

But one night everything changed, and Thomas knew that whatever he had been hoping for, wasn't going to happen now. 

**1920**

He was ruined. Two seconds was all it took for everything to be ripped away from him. Jimmy would barely look at him, unless it was a scolding look over the table, and now he was apparently demanding that Mr Carson should sack him without a reference. 

He crouched down on the ground and let the tears run freely down his face. He didn't know what was most distressing: that he had hoped so desperately that Jimmy felt the same towards him and how he had been proved to be so very wrong, or that he was so bloody stupid to try and kiss him and getting himself sacked as a consequence. 

Mrs Hughes put a hand on his back and gently guided him back inside, where she sat him down in a chair and put a cup of tea in his hands, letting him talk at his own pace. She would talk it out with Mr Carson, she had said. And by some miracle he was allowed to stay, he even got promoted to underbutler. 

But Jimmy kept his distance for the months to come, and Thomas had to try and mend his broken heart alone, like he always did. 

**1922**

He had drinks with one man, danced with another and shagged a third. It wasn't like him to be this frivolous, but this was America, wasn't it; he was a long way from home and anyone who knew him. He didn't really have this kind of fun anymore, and he had decided to make the most of his stay overseas. It had been surprisingly easy to find the right place for it, once he was able to get out of Mrs Levinson's home. 

Back at Downton he was reminded of how stuck he felt, how much he missed out on with the long working days saying _Yes, My Lord_ and _No, Your Ladyship._ He wondered how different his life would have been, if he had followed in his father's footsteps and become a clockmaker. But his father had made it clear after he had caught him with one of the neighbour's sons that he didn't want to have anything to do with Thomas again. And so Thomas began a life as a footman, not wanting to make a living doing something that would remind him of his father. 

**1924**

He watched Jimmy enter Lady Anstruther's room and felt his heart sink. As hard as he had tried, he hadn't been successful in getting rid of his feelings for Jimmy. He tried to be a good friend to him, he wanted to be, because Jimmy was important to him. And so he helped him sneak into Jimmy's former employer's room in the late evening hours, even though he wished it was Thomas's bed Jimmy would climb into. 

And he watched Jimmy disappear as the horse carriage rounded the corner, taking away the only friend he had at Downton. It wasn't likely he would ever see him again. Just like all the other men he had ever cared about. 

He was never going to be happy. He was never going to be able to find someone and be with someone the way he wanted. He looked at Mr Bates and Anna and resented their happiness and freedom. He hated the jealousy he felt, imagining how much easier his life might be if he was like them. Maybe he should try it. So he picked up the telephone and rang the phone number he had found in the advertisement “Choose your own path”. 

**1925**

He lay flat on his back in his bed, staring at the stripe of moonlight that had made its way through an opening in the curtains, slightly lightning up the otherwise dark room. 

He thought of the words he had spoken to Ms Baxter. He truly never had felt such a lack of reason. He had no family who wanted to have anything to do with him, no proper friend, no companion, and soon no job or a roof over his head. 

Life had knocked him down more times than he could count, but he had always bounced back up, hellbent on not letting anything or anyone break him. But he didn't know if he had it in him anymore; the will to fight back. He was tired of it. He tried to be friendlier nowadays, but people had become so used to seeing him in a certain way that they didn't notice it.

He rolled over on his side, not even having the energy to wish for a better day tomorrow.

**1927**

The King's second valet was handsome and charming, and Thomas was smitten, he couldn't deny that. But he wasn't going to assume anything about Mr Ellis; he wasn't going to repeat his past mistakes. He did learn though that the valet was a stubborn one. He hadn't backed down from Thomas's insult about York, and invited him yet again to accompany him. 

_Why don't you go?_ said Ms Baxter. 

_Because what's the point_ , Thomas thought. Mr Ellis would be gone in a couple of days anyway. Why get attached? But he got in the car and drove with him to York anyway. 

And the kiss was sweet and short and disrupted, but it promised of a better future, a future Thomas hadn't dared to dream of for a long time. He looked forward to the letters that were arriving once every week, and he wrote back immediately. He remembered Philip's words about not ever putting down anything in writing again, but Richard wasn't like Philip. So Thomas wrote how much he missed him, how much he looked forward to their next meeting, so he could have Richard in his arms again. And as the months and years passed, he started to think that the great love the novels wrote about maybe was for him to have too, after all. He started to dream of a small cottage in the village for him and Richard, of a life where they could be their own masters. 

On the day Thomas turned 57, he handed in his resignation, packed his few belongings, and moved to York, there Richard greeted him with open arms in their new home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to @downtoncat for being my beta reader!
> 
> Comments are welcomed.


End file.
